Flex had been floating across my mind since the day party so you can imagine how excited I was when he texted me, “Did your friend tell you what I said? You owe me an H&M shirt!” I texted, “Boy stop! You know you purchased that shirt from Wal-Mart.” Flex texted, “LOL, you got jokes? That’s cool, but you will be taking me shopping.” I texted, “If you don’t throw that shirt in the washing machine and toss some bleach in there and call it day…But seriously I’m so sorry you was looking all fresh, clean, and crisp too!” Flex texted,” I had just got it from H&M that day.” I texted, “Awww man.” He texted, “We should hangout…” I texted, “Most definitely you know they just opened a Dave and Busters over there by International and it’s half off games and drinks on Wednesdays. We should go there so I can kick your butt in some arcade games.” He texted, “Yeah, that sounds like a plan.”
I was super elated after my text conversation with Flex, but I still figured it wouldn’t hurt to do some background checking on him. Even though Flex was always polite and cool with me I heard he had a reputation as a ladies’ man. It also didn’t help a few years ago he recorded himself with a female friend getting their Marvin Gaye on and played the audio for my friend and I while giving us his personal commentary. When I mentioned Boy #1’s sister at the day party he said, ”Oh, Boy #1’s sister that’s my baby…” so I figured she would be the first person I’d call to get the information on Mr. Flex.
I called and said, “Sooo I met somebody…” Boy #1’s sister said, “Yay, tell me he’s a white guy!” I said, “No fool! He’s black and you know him…Flex.” Boy #1’s sister said, “FLEX? FLEX? OH NO.” I said, “What?” Boy #1’s sister said, “No ma’am the type of girl you are, I already know it’s not going to work.” I said, “What’s wrong with Flex? He has a good personality and he cute.” Boy #1’s sister said, “Oh yea, he’s beautiful…but no ma’am. The reason he left Tallahassee was because he got engaged to his second baby momma.” I said, “That was like five years ago and clearly they didn’t make it down the aisle.” Boy #1’s sister said, “But I think they still live together…” I said, “Really?”
Boy #1’s sister said, “And I know your type…Flex doesn’t even have a real job.” I said, “He told me he was the supervisor at Wal-Greens or CVS…one of them.” Boy #1’s sister said, “No…he works in the photo department of Wal-Greens. I heard he’s great in bed though.” I said, “What the hell? How you know all this?” Boy #1’s sister said, “I had a homegirl that use to talk to him and she said he was good in bed, but she also said he is still with his last child’s mother and I really do think they live together.” I never really listen to what other people says about the person I’m interested in, but I’m no fool either so I decided it wouldn’t hurt to do a little Facebook stalking.
Shantara and I always joke about Facebook stalking our new crushes, ex-boos, or just anybody we can search their page and find out all their business. Facebook is hilarious to me because people put their every move, thought, and picture on their page. I remember somebody said, “Why do people take Facebook so seriously?” I think you should take Facebook seriously most people use Facebook to document every moment of their day to day life. I know how much information a person can gather from Facebook so I keep my page as basic as possible. My status is usually the link to my blog and I have two photo albums that I rarely update. Plus all that posting of pictures makes it hard a person to repeat an outfit.
I knew if Flex was dealing with any female she probably posted what I like to call “I Want Everybody to Know about Me” message on his Facebook wall. Those messages consist of “Why you didn’t answer my text?” “I had a great time the other day…we must do it again soon.” “I miss you already” “Answer your phone” “I love you” “Bae, since you’re on your way over here, can you stop by McDonald’s and get me a smoothie?” Oh, and my favorite is the random comment on the wall that’s an “inside joke”.
Once you see these types of messages posted on a male’s wall you’re supposed to click the name and try to get information on the female that wrote on his wall. Usually she will have a semi open page where you can click through her albums or her profile pictures.
I signed on to Facebook and searched Flex’s page and oddly there was nothing. No over the top messages on his wall and all of his pictures consisted of him and his two kids. I thought maybe Boy 1’s sister didn’t know what she’s talking about or maybe Flex already knew females are quick to search a dude’s Facebook page.
I looked through my cell phone’s contact list to see if I could find somebody else that might have some information on Flex when I came across Jayla’s number. Jayla and I have known each other since middle school and even though we aren’t super tight like we use to be I knew I could call her for some information.
Jayla answered her phone and said, “E-Mac!! What do I owe this pleasure?” I said, “Why you said it like that?” Jayla said, “I just feel like you up to something.” I said, “No…yes…maybe. You’re the only person I know who knows everrrrything that goes down in the Central Florida area.” Jayla laughed and said, “Are you saying I’m nosey?” I said, “I’m saying I’d call you before I call 411 when I need information about this city…Flex?” Jayla said, “No ma’am. He’s a ladies’ man.” I said, “He’s cute…I figured he would be a ladies’ man.” Jayla said, “Okay…let me be more blunt with you…he’s a ho. He has baby mama drama and you don’t want all his drama. I heard he’s good in bed though.” I said, “Why does everybody know his bedroom business?” Jayla said, “Because he’s a ho.” I laughed and said, “Oh…well…yeah, I guess that makes sense.”
I cleaned up my room thinking about Flex when my friend Teacherboo texted me, “What’s up with the new crush?” I texted, “I did my research on him and based on the findings I’ll pass.” Teacherboo texted, “What’s the worse?” I texted, “He might live with his baby momma.” Teacherboo texted, “How did you find this out?” I texted, “I asked a couple of people.” Teacherboo texted, “That’s what your ass gets! You dig too much!” I texted, “When you apply for jobs don’t they do a background check? I’m just doing a background check!!” Teacherboo texted, “Whatever floats your boat.” I couldn’t make this ish up if I tried.
@ satindoll/ebony I hate spit….I think that's the ultimate form of disrespect. U have to see someone as really low to spit on them. Also satindoll my friend had a whole other set of problems….she ended up having a baby by this guy….I couldn't figure out why two women were fighting over a man that had no house or car or job. It bewildered me….HE MUST HAVE THE GOLDEN ROD! LOL
@rapidrelief I know your heart is in it. I can tell. My heart has been in couple of times….Im glad to say that you can overcome that in due time. Channel your energy elsewhere as I believe that woman already knows…..Her son Is not even a year yet but new parents usually like to spend time together with the baby so I'm sure she was aware of the times when he disappeared. She probably cried at times when the baby cried and then took solace in the fact that he would always come back to her. Most women know…..not all the time but most of the time, most just choose to ignore it. I never understood having a baby to keep a man….and I absolutely love my hubby…he is definitely the best however, I know his name,his mother and father knows it, grandparents, he knows it etc….why on earth would I tattoo his name on my body? Yet, this girl doesn't have a real commitment and she tattoos his name on her body…….I tell u "Golden Rod"
I SURE DID GET THAT LINE FROM "BOOMERANG" I love that movie!!!
@Blahsquared First, 'beasting' was a word I overkilled…everything was "beasting" to me.
LOL Second, Did you just quote "Boomerang" ("Slimy sleazy, sneaky, SOB")LMBO! That is one of me and my mom's fav movies. Tisha Campbell playing the neighbor is sooo funny. "Girlfried…heyy, hey…girlfriend…whooo." #Classic
Damn! This post is BEASTING!! Look at all these comments!
@Rapid Relief I agree with everyone else. Find the nearest exit. Chances are this guy has another side chick. He prob has about 8 of them on rotation! When u like a guy u don't wanna believe he's sneaky, sleazy, slithering son-of-a-b****
You know why guys don't have all the accessories women have? (bags, clutches, purses, ear rings, cuffs) Cause women are their accessories. They have a different woman for every outfit. We're not that valuable to them, that's y we gotta get the steppin' when we see them playing games. Gotta love yourself more.
Oh and @RapidRelief Ppl want to front like they always do the dumping or they were in control of every situation they have been in….all those ppl are lying!!!
This blog started off b/c my mom thought I needed somewhere to channel my broken heart. I didn't know that was the reason at the time though.
She actually suggested I blog about my dates b/c they were so funny. Her friends always wanted to hear them and my friends started calling me every other day hoping I went on a date so they could hear about it, but my mom told me later when she intially suggested I blog she was hoping I let out my broken heart b/c I refused to talk about it…lol and it worked.
Sidenote: I think it was you who said this blog is about Boy#2…lol. It was but it wasn't….It was about me dating and moving on due to my broken heart due to Boy#2. LMAO
@RapidRelief
There are rules to "snooping"!
Don't go snooping and finding out a bunch of info and still making dumb decisions. Once you snoop and see for yourself you HAVE to make RATIONAL decisions accordingly!!
So if you're not ready to be done with someone DO NOT snoop b/c obilivion and stupidity are two different things.
Oblivion-Not knowing anything and staying with the individual
Stupidity- Knowing EVERYTHING (good,bad, and ugly) and still staying with the individual)
@Lover By Nature,
I agree with everythg u said. He should have told me that he was in a r-ship, but he didnt. Rumor had it tht he had some1 preggo in Nov. 2010, but when I confronted him he lied & said "No! Are u pregnant?" He is a manipulative lil' devil. Apparently him & chick were pretty kool b/c she posted that she was at his house chilling with him & his son. I would love to tlk to her & hear her side, but imma leave it be. Im sure he is over at her place, whenever he needs his ego stroked & some sex. And, no woman is gona push out a baby for some1 and NOT want to be with them. So, she would be mad & hurt for 1second, then plotting on how to get me out the way. Again, i truly feel sorry 4 her b/c he has manipulated her & controlled her to a certain degree.
@ Ebony, this is why i like the blog b/c I was like "Is this isht only happening to me?" Glad to know we are sharing dating woos & triumphants 2getha. And im glad u posted abt fb, b/c from now on, i will be snooping. Keep up the good work!
@LoverByNature
LOL @ the fact that you noticed Jayla and Boy #1's sis saying he was good in bed because I DEFFINITELY noticed that comment too!!
I'm very conscious about what I put on Facebook because all my aunts, uncles, and even my grandma is on Facebook.(Sidenote:I'm the person that helps my grandma manage her acct. My grandma asked, "How do you get a thumbs up?" I bursted out laughing…she was trying to "like" a post)
Too funny what you said about your 19 yr old cousin and how she's acting excited b/c the father of her 2 kids bought her dinner. SMH
Spitting on somebody is sooo vile! I would have lost it on the guy's baby momma. POINT BLANK!
It irritates me when woman get SOOOO upset with the other woman…she should have been spitting on her "boyfriend" because in due time it will be some other chick.
Ugh, I can't believe she spit on her.
@ LoverByNature
"I have a girlfriend who's boyfriend baby momma and girlfriend of 10 years spit in her face"
My head is spinning…That was rude and disrespectful. The girlfriend must have raised by wolves; who does that, seriously? Some times you have to allow a person to reach there breaking point, and it seems as if your friend has. Good for her.
Continued…
I often wonder when women will wake up and stop thinking that they are securing their relationship if they tell the world about it. Sometimes I just wanna shake them like a rag doll and say girl wakeup! If you got to tell the world that u love him so much…..everyday….then there is a problem…..especially since he didn't have any return posts about u…..just crazy to me.
Some women even have a baby for someone else's baby daddy….just to compete what a dumb idea!
I have a girlfriend who's boyfriend baby momma and girlfriend of 10 years spit in her face after she asked my friend to back-off while they were going through their rough patch. She insisted that they have been "together" for 10 years and 2 kids….and he wasn't going anywhere. She didn't listen and the fighting hasn't stopped until recently when she had to let him go. The man didn't make it any easier because he kept the lines blurry. We all know about men that keep the lines blurry to keep a back-up in case the present thing doesn't work out.
Ebony, please stay away from Flex…..he is so not worth it and I can almost guarantee that that is a a regret that will come probably about 5 minutes after the do is done…LOL
RapidRelief, I'm not a relationship expert or anything but I agree with Ebony….leave that man alone…..I'm not a supporter of cheating but think that no one should ever put someone else in a position where they don't know all the facts so then they are unable to make an informed decision. It's ridiculous to be grown and someone clobbered you from behind because u messed with their man that u didn't know was their's in the first place.
Ebony you know my long post! (smile)
I just got on FB in May 2011. My hubby who didn't do myspace back when it was popular or even touched a computer except for work, kept trying to convince me. He said i would be reacquainted with friends from high school etc. I was like now why would i wanna do that? LOL….
so I finally got one after everyone begged, pleaded, and downright said I'm behind in times. I'm still leery of it. I don't have my children's full name on fb cause I'm scared that people will kidnap 1 of my boys or something.
I don't Write, post, or comment on anything with curse words, or disrespectful stuff. I even inbox my much younger cousins who do not have careers and say please do not post curse words to me or in your status. I know that I cannot control what they want to do but I say do not tag me in any crazy off the wall nonsense.
I am a professional and I act like it. I do not want anything to do with anything unprofessional or uneducated. I worked to hard to get where I am and won't let craziness take me down. Ok enough about FB directly……
About the FB stalking, exaggeration of relationships and all that comes with it….it is hilarious to me. It shows how women (in general) are so insecure at times.
We feel the need to show the world that we have a "solid relationship" but why does the world need to know? The person's involved in the relationship is the only ones that should care.
I have myself listed as married to my hubby and him vice versa for me….That is as far as we go into our relationship. We did post for our anniversary.
I Hate when women go over the top saying I love my hubby like every 5 minutes, posting on FB. I had to inbox my 19 year old cousin who just had her second baby the other day to ask if she had gotten married on me because everyday….it's I love my hubby and kids and I'm so in love with hubby….or hubby bought me dinner. I was like oh goodness girl, buying u dinner after he knocked you up times 2 is a little price to pay. Girl u have growing to do and need to figure out that even with a ring on your finger he could do what he wanted but now definitely without that ring things could change emotionally, physically, financially in an instant. He could forget to come home from work one afternoon or something. Then the courts would have to force him to live up to his responsibilities (but that is another subject)
I'm just tired of seeing women put themselves out there. Men are mostly being themselves and by nature most are private even the arrogant ones choose what they post.
@ Ebony
Lol…
@ Rapid Relisf Xperts
Like Ebony stated above, "Leave is a** alone". He is so not worth your time and energy.
@SatinDoll
You needed a glass of wine to comment…I needed one after I commented.
@ Rapid Relief Xperts
Sweetie, I am going to get a glass of wine. I will be back to comment. : )
@Rapid Relief
LEAVE HIS ASS ALONE…and when I say ALONE I mean sex too.
You should have read my post "Social Network Suicide" because that is exactly what you did.
I know the feeling of finding something on these social networks and it literally makes you ill…that is not a good feeling. So if you ever decide to Facebook snoop again remember this feeling and it should deter you from doing it again. (Or at least it works for me!)
I don't know the situation but I always feel like for every rhyme there is a reason. Meaning she might be exaggerating a little on Facebook about their situation, BUT there is some type of situation/relationship going on and it's just not about the baby on the way. (Ex: You don't get your baby daddy name tattoo'd on you because he's the father of your child…you get it because he's your man.)
I realized a while ago women EXAGGERATE a situation/relationship and men DUMB IT DOWN. Either way there is something going on and that should be enough for you to say dueces.
And I am all down for a MarvinGaye and Chardonnay type of night especially when the gettin' be good, but clearly your feelings are involved because seeing the info hurt them. So if I was you I wouldn't Marvin Gaye with him anymore.
Just reread your last paragraph you have all these reasons why it won't work…but yet you're kinda irritated that he said he would cook you dinner and didn't. You're feelings are still there…like I said LEAVE HIS ASS ALONE…and I know it's waaaaay easier said than done. Keep me posted boo!
@RapidRelief
Yes, it is mostly women throwing shade to some ex-girl or baby momma when they have those long, extended statuses about how great of a man they have and he's how not going anywhere.
I also like my privacy. For months the entire building Boy #2 and I lived in was trying to figure out what was going on between us because they knew we were spending an extended amount of time together.
We did pretty good with the privacy until the Saturday night we had our infamous balcony scene that I still don't feel 100% comfortable going into detail about on this blog. (One day though, because it's crazy as hell and I know it will make for a good story for my readers)After the balcony scene the privacy factor was shot to hell.
@SatinDoll
I won't even lie to you, Facebook can be very messy. That is why I got off while in undergrad.
Facebook for me now is way to stay in touch with distant family members and SOME associates and classmates. My Facebook "Like" page is for me to talk more to my readers.I see ppl that have friends in the thousands and I only have 213 and I promise 125 of them are family members or family friends.
The whole picture thing is also a downfall of Facebook…ppl love to capture every second of every event. I will untag a picture quick especially if I know I will be wearing the outfit again.
Last Post Ebony, I Promise! Hunney, U opened Pandora's box with this post!!!!
Ok, Im still kinda naive to alot of stuff, & Im new to fb. SOOOOO, i got 2 snooping on my ex's page (after this post) & Voila I found his 2nd bm (this is y he is an ex!)
Even tho im not with him, Im still hurt to find the stuff I just found! She posted from Sept. 2010 to Dec. 2010 about how excited she was to be having his baby & how the b.d. was stressing her out. Apparently she got a tattoo with his name on her too! I feel sick to the stomach b/c all the while he was with her, he was calling me. And we would hook up 4 an occasional rendevous
I last saw him in June 2011, b/c i use him 4 …. (hey dnt judge me). He is 5yrs younger than me & i know there is ntg there. He did lie & say he didnt have a 2nd baby on the way but all of the details came out eventually & he apologized. He said he was scared 2 tell me & tht the r-ship was a bad with the 2nd bm. I feel sorry 4 his 2nd b.m. In fact, this fool txt me this past Friday & said "Hey Wife!" I ignored it b/c he was supposed 2 cook 4 me but hasnt yet, so I was thinking "Is this how u treat a wife?!" Oh well, this post & my fb find just put the cement on his coffin! Good Riddance!!!!!!
@ Ebony
"An Unsure thing" that is definitely an understatement…Wow, just wow!!! Sometimes it is hard dealing with one baby's mother, but two; that is a negative.
I do not have a Facebook page; and will not be getting a Facebook. I detest that social network. I hear too many stories and drama filled episodes to last a life time. Lol
My cousin posted some picture on her Facebook page of me on Thanksgiving Day with the family. I went off on her. She said that I was overreacting. Well, I think it is just common courtesy to ask someone if it is okay for them to post pictures of you on their Facebook page.
@ blahsquared
"People vomit their lives, thoughts, desires and everything else on there."
I could not agree more. My friend has an account and when she comes over to my house, she asked to use my computer and the first thing she did was log on to Facebook and updated her location. *shaking my head*
CNN had a segment on employers checking perspective employees Facebook page. I agree with that, because I believe that it says a lot about someone's character. People just need to practice some decorum on these social networks.
Ok. I will.
I also want to add that it PERTURBS me when FEMALES post all of tht gushy, I Luv U, I Luv My Man, etc crap on fb. Its like "Who are u tryna convince, me or u?" Most of the time they are throwing shade at some1 (his ex's or her ex's).
Im super private, so I want my r-ship to be like Jay-Z & Bey. My pastor said if its a secret, then its a lie. I dont want a secret r-ship, i just dnt want ppl all in my business. Some ppl can be messy & tht includes dudes!
@RapidRelief
I've heard about the the divorce stats due to Facebook. It still blows my mind that Facebook can be the cause of a divorce, but then again I shouldn't be because everything starts from that one message or comment and before they know it they are meeting up dinner or drinks.
Yes, random dudes love to friend women on Facebook. My friends always says "Facebook is not EHarmony!"
It was a couple of red flags when I had that conversation with Flex @ the day party, but I couldn't help it. HE WAS JUST SO DARN CUTE!!
I actually have a Facebook like page for NatoyaEbony on Facebook so you can like that if you want. Also send me an email with your name so I can find you on FB…like I said my page is super private you'll never find me. lol
@ blahsquared
Wow!!! That is really messed up. I am glad you "ran for the hills" no telling what kind of drama you would have had in your life. And, you know, some of these women are crazy as all heck, because they would actually come after you when in fact the problem is in their own house. *shaking my head*
I believe that is the new trend with Facebook. The men will remain “single” while the women are “in a relationship.” And, sometimes they do not know that there significant other have a Facebook page. That is just crazy.
I just got on FB in March 2011. I had avoided it b/c ppl were wilding out on FB & there was ntg but negative things about FB in the media. For ex., FB was being cited in 1 out of every 5 divorces b/c of adultery. STD statuses, DNA tests, etc were being posted. Plus, folks would get Froggy & just go off on other chick who they thought were "messing with their man!"
So, Im a newbie. My page is open but I post NOTHING personal. B/c of my open page, lots of guys have befriended me, but i refuse to do internet dating on fb.
As far as Flex, pretty ppl have alot more options. He will always have some1 in the corner, until he figures out wht he wants. Like i said b4, BMs usually dont go anywhere. And, if he lives with her, Ebony she would track u down & claw ur eyes out. And I agree with @anonymous, 2bm's woulda turned my stomach. I wasnt feeling him after that info from the last post & told u to be careful.
Anyway, On 2 the Next!
P.S. I would like to friend u on fb b/c u are a "friend in my head." Let me know if thts ok, If not, I understand!
@BlahSquares
Yes it can be very dangerous in the hands of crazy ppl. I just want to know, just to know…I'm not going to attack anybody over it.
I'm just happy FB wasn't around when I was in high school b/c I could only imagine the madness that would have happened with FB being in the mix.
@Anonymous
Awww man it sucks when the page you checking for is locked down. My first comment is "Why be on FB if you got your page all private." I say it like my page is not super private…lol
Ahahaha!! lol @ the "detective work". I did this a couple of weeks ago, and this guy was like "Flex"…. FB page was on lockdown! lol
FB is def a confirmation. People vomit their lives, thoughts, desires and everything else on there. Not I said I. I lock my profile down too!
When I realized that through less than 10 minutes of 'detective' work I found out so much about this guy's life, I realized that FB is a dangerous place. People getting fired because of stuff they wrote on Twitter and FB. Employers looking up applicants before they even call u for a interview, if ur profile pic looks off they won't even call at all. People getting stabbed over a wall post.
I didn't look for his girl to cause her any harm or even say anything to her. I just did it to get the truth he kept forgetting to tell me. But there are people who snoop to hurt you. When they get the info they need they'll cuss u the hell out or whoop ur ass in the street!
@RoyalBeautyDesigns
Yes girl…I can already see how the situation will go.
@Blahsquared
Your post made me burst out laughing. "I found her through his sister's page (through some serious detective work"
When I was in undergrad I got off Facebook b/c a girl had the nerve to get slick mouth with me about a picture on my page. Clearly, she was Facebook stalking me! That's when I knew Facebook was used more for being nosey and starting drama than anything else.
I got back on Facebook a few years later b/c I was about to graduate from FAMU and Facebook is a good way to stay in contact with associates and classmates. I won't say friends because a person shouldn't need a Facebook acct to stay in contact with their real friends.
Also by that time Facebook had opened up for everybody to have an acct, not just college students. So my cousins, aunts, etc were all on Facebook and I liked that. But believe me honey my page is super private and I immediately blocked a few ppl I thought would attempt to Facebook stalk me. My block list might be longer than my friends list. lol
A couple of my homeboys are single on Facebook and have maybe 2 pics of their girlfriends on their pages that other ppl tagged them in, I might add. They have been with their girlfriends for a while.So yes many of those profiles be lies…all lies!
And that is odd they live together, but they're not Facebook friends…but then again I would do something like that b/c during Facebook stalking ppl go through your friends trying to connect the dots.
Example…
Girl: No, they not together b/c they aren't friends on Facebook
Girl2: But I promise they go together
Girl:That might be a lie b/c they are not friends on Facebook.
LMAO…Facebook is a form of confirmation I guess.
Mann, that FB stalking is no joke. I had a situation like that where the guy I was investigating had NO links to the girl on his page. She wasn't even his "friend" on FB. I found her through his sister's page (through some serious detective work). Then when I looked at her profile, it was riddled with pictures of him and her and her professing her undying love for him. mean while he has NOTHING about her on his profile and they lived together!!! His status says 'single' and they're not friends. I said DAMN! I'm still not sure what was going on with those two cause I found it quite strange that she lives with him and they're not even 'friends' on the computer but she's referencing him all over her page. I didn't care what was going on, I just ran for the hills. I wanted nothing to do with him after that. I saw all I needed to see.
These men have their women right where they want them. While they're denying even knowing their GFs, the GFs are so in love with the men on FB. That's y u can't even trust what the men's profile say. LIES, ALL LIES!
Smart move! Totally not worth it.
@Bhoranie
It's allllwwayyys the cute ones!!!
Dang! #ontothenextone
@Anonymous
LMBO!!!
2 baby Momma's, I would have just passed on that information. Too much child support.