I arrived at the Delores Hotel on Collins Ave at 11AM. I was uber excited to see Angie and hangout on South Beach. Since Angie was visiting South Beach in the middle of the work week I told her that I would come there for 24 hours and I treat my time there like the NBA’s saying “Go hard or go home”. I was going to show up early morning, go hard with fun and entertainment, and then leave the next morning so I could make it to work.
I was enjoying my day thus far, but I was uber excited to go to Wet Willies. Every time I was supposed to go to Wet Willies it’s always outrageously crowded. While lying out on the beach we started to hear thunder so we decided to go to Wet Willies before it started raining.
Angie said, “Which one do you get?” I said, “I never been here before. I guess I only come to Miami during holidays or during events so it’s always a long line to even get in here. This is the first time I can actually see inside. It was madness on this entire street that weekend Lauren and I came because that was when the Super Bowl game was hosted here.” She said, “Oh, get the Call a Cab.” I laughed and said, “It sounds dangerous.” We ordered our drinks and sat on bar stools close to the entrance which made me happy because I love to people watch.
I looked at Angie and said, “White girls and black girls are so different.” Angie said, “What you mean?” I said, “Look at the white girls’ outfits and then the black girls that are coming in.” The man sitting next to us snickered. I looked at him and said, “You laughing at us?” He said, “Not in a bad way, I’m enjoying your conversation.” I said, “Oh, you can chime in. We like male input anyway. I’m not knocking anyone. Do what makes you happy, but the white girls are coming in here with swims suits, flip flops, khaki shorts or cover ups. The black girls are coming in with swimsuits matching high waisted skirts, stilettos, pumps, and all the accessories to match. I just want to know were they really on the beach, like the sand, like in the water like that?” Angie said, “It reminds me of Tallahassee.” I said, “Oh yea. Seeing somebody with a full face of makeup, accessories, and heels for a 10:15AM class was not uncommon.”
Angie asked the mystery guy we invited into our conversation, “What do you think about that? Do you think it too much sometimes?” He said, “I think you should dress appropriate for the occasion.”
I said, “It’s cool to rock your heels but that full throttle, “you fancy huh?” look all day every day is too much for me personally. I’m sorry it’s just some days I want to skip the Mac, forget the heels, and not even turn on the flat iron. I like hanging out fresh faced in flats, a t-shirt and jeans sometimes…that’s just me though.” I pointed at Angie and said, “You can ask this one. She would be in my room when we were roommates compromising with me before we leave the house.” She laughed and said, “Hell yeah. Can you at least put on another shirt…just a little liner…please just flat iron your hair” I said, “Umm, don’t act like I was an ugly duckling! Sometimes it’s just too much to get ready to do something for a few minutes.”
He said, “I think for black women you guys have a lot of competition.” Angie and I looked at each other and Angie said, “What do you mean by that?” He said, “It’s not a lot of us to choose from and when I say us I’m talking about black men. I read this article a few years ago and the ratio for black men and women at the time was for every 100 black females there were 87 black males. That sounds decent right? But then the article went on the subtract out of those 87 males the ones that only date out of their race, imprisoned, or are homosexuals. It ended up being like 30 something black men for 100 black females.”
Angie and I looked at each other and she told him, “That was a good answer.” Hell, Angie and I can look at our old apartment complex we stayed at in Tallahassee and see the ratio right there. Out of the 10 black boys that stayed there it was about 3 or 4 that really only dated Spanish or white girls.” Angie said, “That is true.” He said, “So that’s maybe why it seems like black women are always dressed up. They are trying to beat out the other competition because it’s not enough black men to cover all the black women.” I said, “With a ratio like that…I’m going everywhere prom ready. Make up, hair, dress, and all!” All of us busted into laughter. I couldn’t make this ish up if I tried.
@ RapidRelief
Lol. Oh, I forgot about her lifting weights with stilettos on; yes that is a bit much.
"Stacey Dash, LisaRaye, Nia Long. If any of those ladies have had surgery, they hide it well." I agree. They are all naturally beautiful ladies.
@RapidRelief
That damn Stacey Dash looks just like she did when she was on "Clueless". I'm trying age like that!
@N.E., Ice & Coco are ok. I catch it when I can. The Braxtons are prolly 1 of the best reality TV shows out right now. Their lives are FULL of drama
@SatinDoll, Coco seems to be a really sweet lady BUT, those clothes…… o_0 & watching her lift weights with stilettos on looks painful.
I personally wana have a natural type beauty like Stacey Dash, LisaRaye, Nia Long. If any of those ladies have had surgery, they hide it well.
@ Rapid Relief Xperts
Lol. She does over-exaggerate a bit; but I love her. I do agree that she does need to slow down on the plastic surgery. I believe that for some people, the more money they have; the more they obsess over looking perfect. There is definitely nothing wrong with looking perfect, but if you have to alter 80% of your body to do so; then you have problems. Just my thoughts.
@RapidRelief
Is that a good show…I just can't bring myself to sit down and watch it. Lord knows i love reality tv…The Braxton Family Values being my new favorite.
I watched Ice & Coco last night & again SUPER SUPERFICIAL Coco was a sight to see!
She wears SO MUCH MAKE-UP & overdoes everything! She is also on a very thin line of being a tranny look alike. I would hate to see her without make-up!
@SatinDoll
I guess that's what he finds physically attractive…but if what you find attractive isn't working out for you…has never worked out for you…ummmm open your mind up.
@SatinDoll
I'm not going to lie to you…I think it went straight to DVD but it does have Essence Atkins, "Vanessa" from The Cosby Show, Elise Neal, and Lammon (I think that's his name… that fine man who star in Tyler Perry's "Meet the Browns" show and that "Why Did I Get Married") and Nephew Tommy from the Steve Harvey Morning Show. I liked it though.
LOL…yes please leave "Uncle Ruckus" where he is at I feel like that will end up being a stressful situation for you.
Girl, I love The Game. I've been watching it since it was on CW. I don't like some of the changes the show made this season…but all in all it's still my show and girl I won't judge you b/c I also secretly really really like VH1's "Single Ladies" (Feels so good to get that out)
@ Ebony
I forgot to mentioned; I was watching the Millionaires club last night and they had this AA man(ex football player) on there and he expressed what he was looking for in a women, but he only dates White and I believe Latinos women. (I thought of this post) His reason for looking for love on there show was that all the women that he dated (same as mentioned above), were all gold-diggers and only wanted his money. But the woman he picked, also white; turned out to be a gold digger too. *sigh* How about expanding your thought process, dude? Wow, just wow! But hey, we like what we like, right?
@ Ebony
Lol. I definitely will check it out.
I seriously doubt that he will unless he is honest with himself and seek therapy. The reason I said therapy is because it is a lot more complicated then just is need to be with a white woman and have mix babies. He has a lot of issues and for me to explain; I believe I am going to need therapy after I do; so, I am just going to digress. Lol
As for "Boy # 1" all you can do is wish him the best. I will definitely read that book “Interception” this weekend. I am sure it all worked out for the best with "The Game" situation. I am glad because I love that show *don’t judge me* Lol
@ blahsquared
I concur. The thing is though; I believe that it has a lot more to do with one’s insecurities than anything. It really is disheartening to hear or feel that our counterparts are “more attractive" and it definitely goes both ways as you indicated. I love my African American men; but at the same time I refuse to limit myself. Some people are just narrow-minded and need a reality check every now and then.
"Black people are obsessed with anything that looks different from us. I thought our self esteem would've improved by now, but it hasn't. It's worse now." I could not have said it any better. Self-esteem plays a vital role in our culture and if you were raised a certain way or have people around you who are influential and positive; it definitely shows. And, you in turn become more open-minded and are able to view things through different lenses, if you will. Then you have those who are not privy to have those said people around, and that can take a big blow to someone’s self-esteem. I have been to McDonald’s with my nieces (ages 2 & 6) and when I order a happy meal for them, I make sure that the doll that I receive is AA. Reasoning being, I want them to know that beautiful dolls comes in all different colors, not just white.
@SatinDoll
He sounds like the guy from this movie "N-secure" I watched the other week. (Please go to your nearest RedBox or Bluebox(I think it's only @ the Blue ones though) and get this movie.
I hope your ex finds "the one" soon because all this trial and error is leading to alot of child support.
No Boy #1 and his girl aren't married…but we'll see how this all pans out…I wish them the best though
I never read up about what happened with the lawsuit Staci Robinson(the author of Interception) had against the creators of "The Game"…but I'm sure it couldn't have went far b/c yes they are similar but not so similar that it seems like they stole her book and made a show of it.
@RapidRelief
I don't want you to think I'm walking around super natural when it comes to hair, make up, etc.) b/c I'm not. I CAN be very much like the Kanye West song "All Falls Down". "Then I spent 400 bucks on this, just to be like n**** you ain't up on this."
Like I said b4 there is a huge difference b/t night time "on point" and day time "on point". But whatever makes a person feels good is how they should dress. If they want to rock Js and a baseball cap,flats and khakis, or heels and romper…DO YOU.
As long as it's for you or at least 85% for you…I just don't want ppl to feel like they HAVE to dress up or dress like everybody else to be seen or accepted or get a man…whatever the reason might be.
The comments that at Blahsquared posted had some very good points. It might not be an African American thing, it's a cross the race thing BUT people pay more attention to their own race.
White girls are getting tans, bleach blonde hair, big boobs, etc so I'm sure some burnette or red head girl who is plastic surgery-less is saying these white girls are trying to hard.
I'm sure this example can work for latinas, asians, Africans, Italians, etc.
@Blahsquared
I rather a black man say he's just more attracted to white women that doesn't offend me. What offends me is when they say we all have attitudes,are ghetto, loud, wear weaves, etc.
If a person is physically attracted to a certain type…it is what it is. I like my men tall and dark! I can recognize a cute spanish, white, or light skin man, but it doesn't effect me the same way when I see a cute, tall and dark skin man.
I think alot of ppl are obsessed with what they are not or don't have. Just look at all the money spent on some type of cosmetic surgery or enhancement a year.
@satindoll @NatoyaEbony
Seriously though when I hear most (not all) black men give all the different reasons why they date interracially (black women's attitude prob, not loyal, too independent, blah blah, etc. etc.) I always believed the REAL reason is because they believe the other races are more attractive. PERIOD. POINT. BLANK. They don't wanna say it at first, but if u back them into a corner they'll admit.
Not just black men, a lot of black women who date inter-racially do it for the same reasons.(Not to mention the Asian women who marry white men to breed children with European features) I don't get offended by it because my self esteem us sho' nuff and people are going to do what they want to do. They like it, I love it.
Black people are obsessed with anything that looks different from us. I thought our self esteem would've improved by now, but it hasn't. It's worse now.
Oh well, can't save the world. I can only save myself
Ebony,
I thought abt this post all weekend….u even had me self-conscious at church! Lol
I like to dress up b/c I wear scrubs all week long. So, even if i go to Wal Mart, I usually have on a cute dress or skirt. Besides, here in Louisiana, Wal Mart can be a place to meet men.
My church is very laid back, come as u are type, so I wear high heels & other fashionable clothing to church. I definitely try not to expose too much, watch the lengths of skirts, try not to show too much cleavage, etc. I wore some Guess glitter stilleto heels to church & was thinking to myself "Is this too much?" But my spirit wont let me dress down. I mean, i just wont feel like myself, therefore my confidence wont show.
#1- I think that Blacks in general are stuck on appearance…..wanting ppl to think they are of high class & have money. #2- I think tht Blacks emulate wht they see on TV. So, if the pretty women are wearing make up with long flowing hair, Black girls/women want to do the same.
I was watching Real Housewives of Orange County & all the women are cute, but they have had SO MUCH surgery (boobs, lips, botox). Then, their make up is caked on. When the camera gets up close to them, they look like trannies. But this is wht America worships: a stick thin, big boobied, big lipped, blonde, tan White woman.
I could NEVER look like Gretchen (Orange County), but I can wear the weave, the pink lip stick, etc. I just hope i dont look "extra" when i go out. I only wear powder (no foundation, concealer, etc). I get my lashes done & i wear weave. If i was going to the beach, NO WAY would i wear stillettos- – cute sandals for me. And If any1 ever thought i looked like a tranny, i would be mortified!
Lol…He is an amazing writer. I literally know when his book comes out each year; that is how obsessed I am about his work. Amazing!!!
"Interceptions" I never heard of it. I will definitely check it out. What was the outcome of the lawsuit?
I know how you feel. I read books that I will keep to myself and not let anyone knows that I even looked at the first page. lmao
And, no, he is not mixed. He is actually an attractive guy, just a tad bit possessive. In my opinion, I believe he is very insecure with himself and you can tell by speaking with him after awhile. He is the type that if you tell him you are going anywhere, i.e., your parents house, he will talk to you all the way there until he hear someone’s voice that he is familiar with and then he will get off the phone. So, in actuality the relationship was doomed either way. I am glad I dodged that bullet. lol
He told me that while he was going through his divorce with his then wife, she told him that she is going to take him for everything that he has. She is getting over $2000.00 per month for child support, the house and the car. So, I am inclined to believe that she damn near took everything. The other woman that he had a child with (also mixed); she was getting $900.00 per month for child support. She told him that she was going to ruined him as well. He is really a good father and it is really disheartening to see him go through these events. I know that it can go either way whether she is with an African American woman, Asian, or Chinese woman.
“But I feel black women are more inclined to stay down and ride for their man until the wheels fall off.” I agree; some are like that and then you have others that are no different. I believe it is a personality thing for some.
Boy # 1, sigh…I hope it all work out for him and her. Are they married? It would be a true testament to her character if she jump ship, but we live and learn; hopefully.
lol lol lol "Uncle Ruckus" you know, you are so right. I just had my epiphany for the day. lol
@SatinDoll
Girl, I know you didn't mention Eric Jerome Dickey. I was all over his books when I was in high school "Sister,Sister", "Cheaters",
"Friends and Lovers" ,"Between Lovers" ,"Milk in my Coffee"…I was reading them books back to back to back.
Oh, and this book called "Interceptions" was good.The author who wrote it was actually suing BET's show "The Game" because she said they took her book and used her plot(which she said is a true story about her life) to create the show.
Ohh…and this book is a little hood…but me and roomie read it in like a day and a half "Thugs & The Women Who Love Them" (I'm so embarrassed to say I read it, but it was good) OKAY..let me get off the books.
He has some real issues! He's not mixed (correct?) so does he consider himself unattractive?
The beauty in African Americans is that we come in all shapes, sizes and colors. My little cousin is not mixed and she is fair skin with wavy hair and my friend Angie who isn't mixed also have those same 2 features.
And maybe I've been mistaken all of these years, but I thought it was the Caucasian women that bounce everytime things get rough and take damn near everything while doing so. I know some black women do too…but I feel black women are more inclined to stay down and ride for their man until the wheels fall off…and then will get out and push the damn car.
True story: Boy #1 is actually with a white girl now. The kicker is her family was against the relationship at first. It took him a little time to get everything squared away with his profession and I'm sure it didn't help that the girl dropped out of her 1st year of school.
When everything panned out and he was financially secure they jumped on his bandwagon..which has led me to believe if times EVVVVER get rough they will go back to disliking him and I think it will be a matter of time before she jumps ship as well.
I think the only reason she was adamant of being with him during that 1st rough patch b/c it was more of a transition phase and she saw the potential…but if something goes left now…I think she's out with some of his money.
The post "Jungle Fever" I posted a while a go was about this.
I'm so happy you left this dude alone…because he sounds like Uncle Ruckus on The Boondocks …lol
"but I'm not going to hold out for just African American men because they aren't holding out just African American females." So true
True story….before I met my ex, he only dated white women. He eventually marries one and they had three children together. They divorced after eight years together. When we started dating, after a few months we were having a discussion on why he never dated African American women? He never gave me a definitive answer. It was the same blah, blah, that I hear constantly. He did, however; state that “he liked their culture and how they were raised….and if he were to ended up in a wheel chair for the rest of his life, he know that he could count on them (white women) to be there for him.” I kid you not. I said to him, “did you know you said that out loud”? He went on to add that he did not want any more children unless they are mixed. The moment he said that, I was looking for an exit strategy; no joke. But what took the cake was when he told me that he always knew he wanted to have mixed kids because they were more beautiful. I could not have been more perplexed. I mean, I was sitting there wondering; did I hear this fool correctly? Needless to say, after that epiphany; I ended things. Not because he prefer another race, but he had issues. I mean, you like what you like and that is that, but that last statement did it for me.
"Flyy Girl" was pretty good, but "The Coldest Winter Ever" was my favorite. Eric Jerome Dickey and Carl Webber are pretty good as well.
@blahsquared
I agree with you totally.
I always said women dress for other women. Men don't really pay attention to every detail of what women are wearing(you know like clutches, earrings, bracelets, etc.)…other women are.
That is why I can't stand walking passed a crowded club line…b/c the men are looking…but the women are REALLY LOOKING.
Women do be damned if you stand b/t them and "their" man. My friend shantara and I were at a club and I guess because we were standing next to this dude who was actually our friend this random girl thought he was "talking" to Shantara.Shantara was actually hoping the guy she really was talking to would be @ the club.
We leave the club and this girl is cursing Shantara out, of course we're confused as hell and a couple of days later we find out that the girl thought the guy and Shantara had something going on. That was soooo far from the truth…but he was black, eligible, attractive, tall, etc. (and clearly that's the last of a dying breed)
I do want to marry an African American man b/c like @IVC and I stated earlier there is nothing finer…but I'm not going to hold out for just African American men because they aren't holding out just African American females
You know I just learned last year that black women are in competion with each other to snatch whatever man they can and Mann the pickings are slim! I always feel like I'm being sized up when I go out. See I'm nOt on the prowl but most women are and they'll be damned if I stand between them and their dream man. Sad part is I didn't even know I was in the way. It is really hard for black women to find a life partner now. The competition is steep. It might not be a bad idea to diversify. We'll probably do better if we tried other races. *Kanye shrug*
@Blahsquared
Hahaha…yea make up help some ppl out BIG TIME!
Hell yea, Urban Outfitters isn't cheap. I bought three dresses out of that store a couple of weeks ago and decided I'm on a shopping break for the next month b/c that ish broke my wallet!
Women are very hard on women…and I think MOST women are guilty of that.
Dude, I have friends of other races that I had never seen without makeup on. I didn't know they were wearing any. Then I messed around and caught them w/out it and mann let me tell u! Another thing is the latina and white girls shop at places like Urban Outfitters where the clothes kinda look simple but aren't cheap at all. Black girls, our expensive clothes LOOK expensive. We want the world to know! We're so hard on each other and forget that white women paved the way for our embellishments
Oh and @IVC I know you don't like reading, but have you ever read "Flyy Girl" by Omar Tyree? It's such a good book. I read it in high school and then read read it again in college, and I just read it again a year ago.
Also read "The Coldest Winter Ever" by Sister Soulja.
I use to read books a whole lot b/c my mom owns damn near a library worth of books…but books are much better than half the things that come on tv.
@Blahsquared
Very good point!
Now that I think about it I actually did see some latinas on the beach in the water fully done up like they were on a video shoot…but I did overlook their over the topness b/c latinas and over the topness go together. (I know it's wrong of me to do that… but even in 10th grade those Latina girls were in stilettos.)
I read this post a couple of hours ago and realized I did what many ppl do…put African American women on a different standard than other women.
I always get annoyed when ppl ask an African American women "is that your hair?" b/c there are sooooo many other races rocking weaves. Britney Spears, The Kardashians, etc…but I went to South Beach and ignored the Latinas who were in short shorts and 5 inch stilettos (there were alot of them) and yes "Becky" had on flats but her hair clearly had extentions and her boobs was bigger than my head.
Women in general do try hard…and try to beat the "competition"
Wait a minute now, I live in Miami and let me tell u this.. the latinas are overthetop.com too! They over do it just like us black girls. I see them at the beach, in the water with makeup on. In certain neighborhoods, they look dolled up. The thing is some of them have it down to a science, it doesn't even look like they made a effort. But I'm a makeup fanatic so I can spot foundation, concealer and nude eyeshadow from a mile off. Now for the white girls, we don't know how many tanning salons they frequented before that outting. How many bleach dye jobs it took for their hair to get that light. How many hours of flat ironing, how many pounds of foundation she has on. How many extra cups that Victoria's Secret bra is adding. Women in general work hard to look good. Ours is just too ostentatious i guess.
*Too depressing to continue*
sneaks out…
@IVC
Hey love…first do not ever apologize for long comments. I love reading everybody's comments b/c it's nice to see other ppl relate to me and it's even nice when ppl don't relate to me because their comments gives me a whole different type of perspective. =)
It's cool to be "on point", but I think there is a difference between night time on point and day time on point…and some ppl clearly wear their "night"/club look in the day time. #Nobueno
I completely agree with you…there is nothing sexier than a black man…so I hope I beat the odds to that ratio b/c I can't see myself marrying outside of my race.
I looked at the links you posted and I guess the Huff Post said they will only put ONE HBCU on their list. That other link with the pics of the FAMU students kinda made me miss Tallahassee.
Thanks so much for reading and commenting!!!
@SatinDoll
Girl, that Call a Cab had me feeling #Niceee.(LOL)
South Beach be killing me. I can't stand the fact that the gratuity is added to your bill, that is why the servers suck b/c they already getting a tip no matter what…18% at that.
You think I'm joking about that "prom ready" you might mess around and see me on South Beach in a dress like J.Lo's infamous Grammy dress just walking around Ocean Dr or Collins…LMAO
"Call a Cab" is what I usually get when I go to Wet Willies. And, believe me, that is exactly what they meant. lol I have not been to the one down south, even though I live like 35 minutes tops from there. I do, however; find South Beach to be so gosh darn overrated. I hate the pretentiousness.
"I’m going everywhere prom ready" Lmao…I do see what you guys where speaking about and sometimes it is a bit much, but hey, I guess they have to do what they have to do. My sister is so guilty of that, and you can’t tell her anything. Lol
Sometimes you have to make time for a little R & R…
I wanted to say I love your blog I found it on Necolebitchie.com every since May I have been reading your blog… I remember one day I was suppose to be studying for an exam for school but instead I stayed up late trying to read everything about you and boy num 2.it was so intriguing… I am not a fan of reading (hopefully my mind frame changes) but I like reading your blog because every sentence is interesting and It keeps me wanting to read more and more.
Okay I was reading your previous post and it states that you graduated from FAMU which is a HBCU. Its funny that you stated somedays when you went to school you wanted to dress down… I was just reading the Huffington Post about the top dressed colleges:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/06/27/the-best-dressed-colleges_n_885303.html#s297047&title=NYU
http://fashionbombdaily.com/2011/06/28/on-the-huffington-post-howard-university-students-are-the-2nd-best-dressed-undergrads-in-the-nation/
Many people were upset that FAMU didn't make the list, but florida state university did.
http://fashionbombdaily.com/2011/07/06/real-college-style-famu/
I have noticed that most HBCU dress up to go to class. I attend PWI in Texas and no one dresses up to attend class and for some reason HBCU were never appealing and also because it so much pressure to look nice EVERYDAY… sorry for going off on a tangent
I totally understand what he is saying. I feel like when you are a black single women when you leave the house you are always marketing yourself to others, so therefore you must always be on"POINT", since their are a limited amount of AA males. sometime I hate being narrow-minded but I Know for a fact their is no other male race that can compare to an African american Male. The masculinity they embody is very rare and attractive. PS. Sorry for allllll the grammatical error and the long post and remember as long as you continue to post I will continue to read